Discovering myself as a chef

Lately,
diving into my background about my roots and where did I come from has been eye opening. To be candid, I thought I had a great childhood. Talking with a professional, realizing I had what seemed like a great childhood. I didn't I was brought up as the child that could be use to get sympathy or attention for a parent.  Its been a ground shaker to look back on everything and realize that most of my true self isn't there it was forced in the image of someone else.
    Now comes the time for self discovery, to succeed where I was suppose to be a failure. Where I have been portrayed as  the bad child, the selfish child/ adult, the one who tries and never will succeed, the kid that is only good as long as the parent gets the acolytes from their associates. I was a twin, my twin died at birth. I am the survivor. I do not want pity, I do not want people to feel sorry for me, I screwed up a lot growing up because I thought I had to make the parent happy or fail. I have lost many a friend for it. I can say I am sorry and didn't know better but I can't change the past. I can move forward and now learn from the past.
I have been binge watching Chef's Table on Netflix. I have truly found my calling. I am meant to feed people and make them happy. I want to experiment food and I want the best ingredients. I think farm to table needs to be revisited. That good food some come from the ground and be fresh. That people have the right to have good clean healthy food. That families should take the time to sit at a table, electronic free and have great flavorful food and have a conversation with each other. I aspire to be as OCD as Nancy Silverton, and have the fire like Blue Hill farm Chef, To create unique and decadent, flavorful food that pops when you see it and blows your mind when you taste it. I do this for me first, my children second and the people who eat the food last.

This journey may take years, but I hope you read with me as I go. Failure and success alike.  Failure is going to happen. I will create crappy dishes that just are not going to work, but its a step to the next production to make it better.

thank you for listening.